bevanddara

Daily Inspirations and Adventures

Getting Something Off My Chest

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For the past week I’ve had writers block . . . and its not due to not having a topic to discuss . . . its actually the opposite.  I have a topic that I’ve wanted to discuss . . . but didn’t want to discuss . . . but I guess I should since I can’t write about anything else until this is out of the way.

The other day, on Facebook, one of my “friends” posted an article describing 5 reasons why woman aren’t breastfeeding anymore. . . and she wrote the comment “so sad” (she is known for voicing her opinion on breastfeeding . . . i.e. that’s all you should do or you’re a horrible mother). Despite how I feel about that subject (which we will get to momentarily) I read the article . . . and her comment . . . and couldn’t sleep that night because I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

So let me start from the beginning . . . I was so sick at the start of my pregnancy . . . and scared.  We had friends that had lost their babies . . . its just so emotional carrying another human . . . being the ONLY one that can take care of it for 10 MONTHS.  Growing another human . . . I mean, that’s HUGE.  Anyway . . . I got through the sickness . . . and the MILLIONS of doctors appointments (mind you, I have Red Coat Hypertension) . . . living and sleeping through the constant baby kicking . . . the fear of the unknown (birth and beyond) . . . and working while trying to ignore that yeah . . . I may need a few “hours” off in the near future (mind you, I haven’t taken a day off work for 9 years).

I got induced (after trying EVERYTHING to get Julian out naturally) . . . and even though it wasn’t how I imagined having him . . . it was so perfect . . . for many reasons.

After I delivered him, they cleaned us both up . . . and then . . . well, left us to figure it out (THANK YOU YOUTUBE!!!).  Thankfully Julian was a natural nurser . . . I had ZERO issues in the beginning.  But then, as Diana (our INCREDIBLE nanny) started when Julian was 3 weeks and as I started getting back into the swing of things at work around that time I realized that my supply sucked.  I read EVERYTHING I could about increasing it . . . and tried all the herbal remedies . . . drank GALLONS of water each day . . . and I SUFFERED through nursing/pumping exclusively for 3 months.  That was my internal goal . . . and I had made it . . .  but I still didn’t want to give up . . . so I didn’t.  I started to travel again for work . . .  reserved in-room refrigerators at hotels . . . went through security with dozens of ounces of breast milk in my bags . . . I also stood up to our COO (who is a man, mind you) to tell him we deserved a pumping room at our new office (and got one – yippee!) . . . STRESSED about having enough pretty much every waking moment of every single day.

And then you know you what?  I decided not to stress about that anymore.  I realized that I’m a freaking amazing mother.  I cared SO much for Julian for 10 months before he was even born. I ate pounds of kale . . . research everything I could about babies and pregnancy and birth . . . I walked MILES daily to prepare for delivery.  13 months my life was solely dedicated to him . . . and I’m thankful to have been able to give my whole self for that 13 months but you know what?  Now was time for me to get my life back.  Time for me to not stress every waking moment about my child, husband, 19 clients . . . and then myself.  I knew that I needed to start putting myself first in order to be a good mother.

And guess what happened as soon as I finally finished pumping/nursing when Julian was 4 months?  I saw his crystal blue eyes and love for his toes . . . I saw my husband’s face light up every time those eyes glanced into his.  I saw me work more efficiently so that I would have extra time with him in the morning and at the end of the day . . . I saw that he still loved me . . . that I still loved me . . .

My child may get formula (and peas, carrots, pears, oatmeal, avocado, banana) but he also goes to puppet shows, music, swim, DJ (yes, DJ) class every week.  He has been hanging out with other little ones since he was 3 weeks old.  He has learned to play on his own . . . and with others.  He has learned to love all ethnicities and ages.  He “speaks” to his grandparents via Skype and eats his toes and gives me open mouth kisses.  EVERY SINGLE INCH of him . . . his mind and body and sole is beautiful and perfect . . . and that’s because he was made from love.  NOT from breast milk or formula.

Bottom line is that yeah . . . breastfeeding is best . . . its most natural . . . and FREE . . . but you know what is REALLY BEST?  A healthy mother and father.  As long as that child has a healthy happy family . . . they will turn out just fine.

My hope is that when Julian grows up . . . it will be in a World where women are treated equally to men.  That he is proud of who I am, and how we raised him. That he will live his life fully and with a smile on his face. After all, that is what life is about.

Written by bevanddara

April 26, 2014 at 11:27 pm

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